Issues

We all have issues. I have issues. I recognize this but that doesn't always solve the issues. Last night I think I finally figured out some of my issues and the way that they affect other people.

Issue #1: I hate being left out. This probably stems from the fact that I am the youngest child but I'm sure there are more reasons than that. But my sisters would always tell each other special, secret things that I wasn't old enough to know or understand. I hated this. It made me feel like I was missing out on something important that I would want to remember the rest of my life. This is why I hate missing out on trips or events that friends go to. I strongly believe that friendship is built and made stronger through the sharing of experiences. What if I miss out on one of those experiences that everyone else is a part of? I won't get the jokes, I won't get the visual image because I wasn't a part of it. It isn't about being invited to things all the time. I am fully aware that people do things without me not to be hateful or mean but simply because those are the people that they want to spend time with at that time. Or they really want to do this without other people. Or they just don't think about inviting others along. Or the situation isn't right or something else external that prevents someone from going. I'm rambling. Anyway, this affects other people because when I can't do something that other people are a part of that I'm not explicitly invited to or I'm not going to for one reason or another I will say something. I started to notice this about myself yesterday. I will say something to the other people that aren't explicitly invited either. Maybe I am fishing for an invitation or maybe I'm trying to make sure that other people aren't invited either or maybe I want to make sure that someone else is left out too. I don't know. Either way, it is hurtful. I know this because I noticed yesterday that I said something in a certain tone of voice, very suspiciously.

Anyway, I'm trying to work on it. My mind and my mouth need to start working together. They haven't been recently. I'm trying to not only be introspective but actually make change happen in my life. That is always fun and exciting!