Processing

So, I've had the last few days to process through this weekend. Someone asked me if the reason I was having a hard time processing it was because I thought I had God figured out already. I realized, no, my problem is not that I had God figured out but I thought I had me in reference to God figured out.

My life has been pretty predictable up until now. I went to church pretty regularly never expecting God to move. The types of services I went to were not focused on that. We did not really lay hands on people for healing, not in the way where the spirit was active. After I received the HS on Saturday night, church on Sunday was the same type of experience. I could feel the HS begin to take over my body again. My stomach started heaving and tears started flowing. I am more and more certain that the sign of the spirit on me is tears. But the pastor asked me to come pray for healing for a woman with back problems. She had pain in her lower back. I stood and prayed with her. I could feel the spirit moving in my body. God took the pain from her back and she was pain-free. I opened myself up to God and he used me.

Matthew 10 Jesus enables his disciples to heal the sick, raise the dead, and cast out demons. Christ enabled them to do these things. All the disciples had to do was believe and be a vessel. I am beginning to see that I need to be a vessel. Again in Acts, after they had received the HS at Pentecost Peter and John were out walking and healed a man unable to walk. Peter again points to Christ as the enabler.

I believe things that I have never believed were true and it scares me a little. I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to worship the way I did before. I'm scared that the spirit is going to move and make me look like an idiot. I'm scared that people aren't going to understand. I'm afraid that I've changed and I can't go back.