Things I'm realizing about myself

1. I always knew that I was a little co-dependent but have never wanted to admit it before. I AM CO-DEPENDENT. So, what does this mean and how did I finally come to accept it? Well, I hate going places by myself. Seriously hate it. I just love talking with people and everything is always more fun when you have a companion. I love coffee (that is a given) and I love going to coffee shops but I hate going alone. When I try to go by myself, like I did today, I sit there longing to have a conversation with someone. Usually that means that I stare at the people around me hoping that they find me intriguing and want to talk to me. But usually ends in me attempting to read a book and look around for most of the time. I long for people to come up and talk to me

2. I'm much more of a coward when I am by myself. It is a fact that I am more bold when I have other people around who know me. It is almost like I need the affirmation that it is ok to be myself and people won't think I'm weird.

3. When I don't have people around me that really know me I tend to be more insecure and need to be sought out. I hate inviting myself along places. I need to be invited or else I feel like I am forcing people to be my friends (which I have been known to do before).

4. I'm lonely and desperate. *Gasp* I know. I said the two words that women are neversupposed to admit to but it is true. I'm lonely and that makes me a little desperate. I long to be seen (notice a theme?) and I long to be loved. Most of you don't know what it's like to never have felt like you are loved by anyone. But I know that some of you do. And I don't mean loved in the sense that my friends love me because I know you do and ya'll show that in fantastic and wonderful ways. I'm talking about the deep love that only comes from a significant other. The type of love that changes you in some way.

5. I like to stay busy. This whole "finish-working-at-5:00" stuff is killing me. I do nothing but play around on the internet and watch movies. I don't like doing stuff by myself and I don't know the area so exercising is not appealing. Plus, we can't really walk around our neighborhood alone. I'm bored. I need more socializing in my life. I need something different. This is something that I want to be aware of as I graduate. Note to self: get involved in lots of stuff. Tutor, have a dinner club, have a roommate, take dance lessons or art classes.

6. I won't be able to live alone. For reasons, see 1-5.

Megan